APRIL's FOOLS DAY
None of the news below is true - this was just part of our 2022 April's fools day contribution.
Urgent release: ungleich infrastructure update
To the attention to every ungleich customer: today we are updating our infrastructure to the latest technologies. All changes will be applied at 23:42 CEST today.
What does that mean to you? The following sections answer this in detail.
Network upgrades: Turning IPv4 off
As of today all IPv4 traffic will be disabled. IPv4 has become too expensive and it is not worth keeping it online.
The migration will be as follows: every IPv4 address like A.B.C.D will be translated to an IPv6 address like 2a0a:e5c0:b00::A.B.C.D.
As a bonus, every customer will get their own "cafe" IPv6 network.
Additionally every server will be connected also via SCION, the new Internet.
Network upgrade: Removal of old connections: no more 2G/3G/4G
You may be aware that slow Internet connections are draining server resources: long lasting connections without much data transfer is a burden for every server. For that reason, we will disable access to our data center from any 2G/3G/4G mobile connection.
You are required to use 5G, 6G, 7G, Fiber or 56k modems to access Data Center Light. The latter was included as a fallback, in case you don't have support for a modern Internet connection.
Our storage is so far based on Ceph, a distributed storage. To follow modern standards, we are migrating all our data to the blockchain.
To avoid vendor logins and possible shortcomes of a particular blockchain, we are introducting the "ungleich blockchain", which stores data on all available blockhains.
If you are worried about privacy implications of all data being public, don't worry: we are encrypting all data using an Enigma machine.
Optionally, on request, we can also encrypt your data as NFTs.
In regards to performance, we expect a huge performance increase, as all data will be saved everywhere.
As you might have read recently, we are investigating heating houses with the server heat. This project is now in productive state and we require much more computing power.
For that reason, at the same time today, our whole server infrastructure will be replaced with quantum computers.
As qubits, the equivalent of bits on quantum computers, operate on probabilities, all calculations for our customers are not guaranteed anymore, but instead they will be executed by a certain probability.
The exact probability is derived from your society behaviour points. If you are in the good place you get an additional uncertainty factor of 3.14.
Removal of Kubernetes
We recently introduced kubernetes in our infrastructure. After only 2 years of R&D we will have to shutdown all Kubernetes based clusters. The main reason is that the actual complexity of Kubernetes systems is not high enough. Plainly speaking, our engineers are bored. For that reason:
We will replace Kubernetes with a home made solution that consists solely of a manually managed cluster of Windows Servers. Microsoft is a direct partner in this and provides us with a new Windows version: Microsoft Windows Quantum ME 3.11. We expect great stability from this release with a minimum complexity factor of 1000x added.
Maintenance and Customer support
We have always been very community orientated. Today we wanted to take the next big step and we turn over the customer support and system maintenance to the community. What does that mean specifically?
Anyone interested in maintaining our infrastructure can get full root access on all systems.
As everyone now has full root access, the customer support is also shifted to a decentralised, bittorrent based support community.
If you have any questions to the recent changes, please connect the decentrally organised support community. Unfortunately, due do the decentralisation, we cannot offer a single contact reference.
However the Web3 advocate of your choice will certainly be able to provide you answers.